


I'm Still Alive But I'm Barely Breathing

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad Luke, honestly it's just me being upset right now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:39:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4402922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And please don't tell me it's going to get better. God, please don't tell me that Mikey. Because you don't know, you don't know if it gets better and when people say that I believe them. I believe it's going to get better and then when it doesn't I'm still stuck."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Still Alive But I'm Barely Breathing

The air was too hot, too warm, too closed off. 

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't get the air to go into his body. It was a mess,  _he_  was a mess. The way he was sitting on the floor, body hunched, breath short, eyes flooded. He couldn't take it. He couldn't take the thoughts that ran through his head or the way it seemed like the world was about to come crashing down. 

He just wanted to breathe. 

He just wanted to believe. 

He wanted to believe that everything was going to be alright and he was going to make it. College was around the corner, only two weeks left but it was like the universe didn't want him to make it. Everything was going wrong and it caused him to stress, to be where he his now. 

Alone on his bathroom floor. 

"Luke?" 

_I can't do this, I'm not strong enough._

"Luke, babe." Michael's voice sounded on the other side of the door. "Open the door, I need to know that you're ok." 

_I'm not. I'm not alright Mikey._

Another set of tears rushed through his body, rippling out a hoarse cry that sounded so wounded. The air was still too hot, more than the summer heatwaves that came when school was out. It was worst than that time he was stuck at his grandparents for the summer and they didn't have air condition the whole time. It was like no cool air was coming his way, nothing feeling his lungs. 

Michael was distraught, "Luke, come on you have to open the door love." He jingled the door knob. The black hair boy looked for a card or something similar to swipe through the lock. His luck was running out until he came across Luke's school ID, taking it and maneuvering it to open the door. "Luke." 

The way Michael's voice cracked cause more stress in Luke's mind. He didn't want the boy to see him falling apart. The part of him he hid for so many years. This wasn't the person he wanted to be, but this was the real him. Crying, shaking and nearly pale on the ground. Gasping for the small amount of air that his body needed but wasn't granted easily. 

Luke flinched when Michael touched him, the affection feeling like lava to the touch. "Luke, come on babe look at me. " Michael tried. He was on the ground next to the younger boy, desperately trying to get him to calm down. "Let me see those blue eyes Luke. Come on, I need to see your eyes baby." 

It took time and alot of coaxing, but he got Luke to finally lift his head and then he heard the way his heart broke. Staring back at Michael was the defeated look in Luke's eyes, dull, drowning and damaged. The red was contrasting against the dust blue, forming a look that Michael never wanted to see again. 

"Lu-"

"I don't want pity." Luke shook his head. His lips raw from biting them to conceal the sobs and face blotchy red. "I don't want you to tell me it's going to be ok, because it might not. I don't want you to say you have faith in me or believe in me, because I could let you down. And  _please_  don't tell me it's going to get better.  _God_ , please don't tell me that Mikey. Because you don't know, you don't know if it gets better and when people say that I believe them. I believe it's going to get better and then when it doesn't I'm still stuck." Luke didn't even sound like himself, not sounding calm or goofy. "Just be here. For whatever happens, be here." 

Michael grabbed the boy, pulling him close as he started to break again. "I'm here, Luke." 

Luke was clawing at Michael's shirt, trying to anchor himself down so he wouldn't float away. He just needed to be grounded, knowing that he won't disappear into thin air. He needed to know that Michael was here. 

"I'm here Luke," Michael whispered into the boy's hair. "I promise. I'm always here." 

Luke's chocked off sobs were the only thing heard other than the repetition of Michael's words. He nodded, hugging the older boy closer to him. 

"I'm here, that I can promise." Michael said running his hand over Luke's back. 

And finally, Luke could finally feel the air flow through him. 


End file.
